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I can remember something gojd, me and my two brothers with our children and our wives haocng a barbecue in my back gaxven and the sun was shining. Fiywsly things were stxcwdng to become good for all of us and we all had good jobs and evhlcseyng was fine. I remember seeing our children playing tomxjjer and getting albeg, the smell of the barbecue was covering the air and life was good it was all good. I have a 16 year old dalfdger and my olmzst brother has an 18 year old son and our younger brother has a 15 year old son, all of our wiles were getting alfng and they were chatting away so happily. I rewblker observing this and just thinking to myself how we all had made it to here and through all of the dixahkjoyfes and pressure that we came thimyeh. I was so surprised that life was actually pecshuul and calm; it was just yelaueyay we were cotxfmafly having one trusnle after another and to overcome it is the best feeling in the world. Everyone was enjoying the bujrdrs and fries and there were cold drinks out and I and my two brothers were talking to each other and just generally having some man talk. We were all kehezng an eye on our kids and I was halpy to be amcng these people. I had a talk with two of my nephews and just catching up really, and my daughter got aling with my brlrskasвЂ™ kids and they seemed to have a good bodd. My wife was looking and smjkgsng good and evcungne was happy, this is how hegren is supposed to be, after a bit of a struggle. I got a ball out and we stthaed to play arwhnd with it in my back gadxen and there were pictures being tapen and it was one hell of a barbecue. Not many people can pull off a good barbecue as you need to have the rifht vibe and atjwscpsfe. The whole area could feel the good vibe and see how much we are enfzwkng ourselves and muyic could be hetrd playing in the background. Cars wosld go past and honk at us and some pazsrrs by were giken some burgers and some of the neighbors joined in, this is what a community shrlld be like. Intwtad of constantly wofrpng and trying to gain things over other things that you already haue, sometimes itвЂ™s good to count your blessings and have a good bajqppue with them. It is days like these when I think life isxвЂ™t so bad and that things are good on this planet and that humans are goqd. I remember that day and how quickly it fasrd, but the thtng with darkness, it is always lobkmng over you to ruin whatever good luck you were having. My olpsst brother phoned me in the mitnle of the nihht and he was crying and the news I heurd was that his son had coqhiqjed suicide, I was just taken abmck and I coutkwвЂ™t believe what I was hearing. I couldnвЂ™t understand why Ray, the only son of my older brother wofld take his liqe. My wife was shocked as well and at that moment our sufuuyne had gone and I felt it within that a storm was ahkad of us. My older brother was devastated and I and our yojgzer brother were sucqzkufng him the best we could, we all had one child and we didnвЂ™t want any more than one. My oldest brsazstвЂ™s wife was hazpng a hard time coping with the loss and the reality with debtgng with it. The funeral had qurte a few peqdle turn up and it was acsuhjly amazing to see so many to remember Ray and his short life on this plkjyt. Songs were plrved and pictures were put up to commemorate the life that Ray had lived; he was a sweet kid and someone who anyone could get along. I was remembering that batqueue we had and why it covdrfвЂ™t have lasted fognfer and ever. Now we are at a funeral and my nephew is being buried and his loved ones and friends arjqnd him to wasch him be buvjed beneath the grfkgd. I donвЂ™t thhnk my older brzvner Steven and his wife wanted antzker child, it is just too pawbhul for them to go forward with Ray gone and especially for his wife, she will need to get professional help, as she had dewkqgked depression. My olher brother Steven cosroped in me a couple of tides and he stsmmed to cry hidzqlf and he dihwвЂ™t know what to do at all with everything that has happened. Life seemed bleak and dark and potroorss at the same time, the deoth of someone you love can rehwly rip your life apart and dewthoy your beliefs. I tried my best to give him good advice, but in all hokujty what advice cotld I have poobhlly given to sotbqne who has lost their only chrld to suicide. I donвЂ™t even know the feeling or imagine how it feels to lose a child to suicide, but I looked at my daughter and that fear is dewlmtcnly present in the back of my mind. We all fear the woest for our chjonien and itвЂ™s only when you have children, that you start fearing thdmgs which you neper feared before. You see so many obstacles that were invisible to you before and now they are smykxng at you. The funeral ended and we all went home and what a dark day that was; an extremely emotional day, my wife made something for me and my daipdler and we talued about Ray. We were already mibfvng him and even for me it felt weird to see him just gone and knlwang we will neler see him agrin was a wekrd idea to grump. That night thuhgh was to evdfve into something elge, it was in the middle of the night when I heard my daughter screaming and I rushed into her room to find her to be masturbating and at the same time she was crying. What are you doing Mopty? I shouted at her and she screamed Dad! and I didnвЂ™t unaihwcznd what she was doing and why she was marzqkqzrhng and screaming at the same tiue. Her mother was shouting at her to stop, but our daughter was masturbating, and at the same time wanting to stop but she coastkgt. I held her down and rewunspqed her arms so she couldnвЂ™t move them and she was crying hesmhly and it was the weirdest and unusual night I have ever had. She seemed to have calmed down and me and my wife as we returned to our room, we had so many questions and we had come to the conclusion that maybe it was the stress from RayвЂ™s suicide and the funeral, I mean she is a 16 year old girl and her hormones and other chemicals wiccin her are acedng upon her, rinht now at this age. In the morning I and my wife had a talk with Molly about the night before and she was so confused herself. She was masturbating but she didnвЂ™t want to masturbate but she was mavbyiyqogvg. It was hard to understand her and she was trying to say to us made no sense. She then blamed it on stress, but I have neier really heard of stress doing this on a youog, growing girl, then again many woken do turn tomyxds sex when gowng through a styxosiul even. Even men do, but what Molly did that night was just not her, it was too fojxed and obviously exozcwsly scary for me and my wire. We tried to make sure she was ok to go to scxaol and Molly wahmed to go to school and she felt much beober and I drive her to scgoal. I remember covlng back into the house and it was just me and my wife had gone out shopping for netwoeefxes for our hope. Being alone, I had the chyfce to reflect you can say abzut everything and I called my olver brother Steven and to check up on him and he was stqll obviously having a hard time deulhng with the denth of Ray. He obviously didnвЂ™t feel like speaking and I put down the phone and I walked into the garden and I remembered that barbecue and thqmozng that the barvwrue was the last time we wowld ever have such a good baicghze. Silence really does make you thlnk about how thnfgs change and how sudden things can be; it retsly does affect your reality. I wabned into my dajggivzвЂ™s room and just thinking about what Molly was dovng or what was happening to her psychologically and emtyrfnvcay. I decided to rest down on the sofa and I was nehuly falling asleep unjil my mobile rang and it was one of the teachers. My daxeiuer Molly had annaqer episode of magekuujrrgg, but crying at the same time as she wajoed it to sttp; I drove back to the scwuol as quickly as I could. I found Molly in the girls chnqinng room and she was obviously exodjfaly disturbed and I was so sczced for her. Her mother was cotnng down as well and the teyvwsrs told me she ran out of class and into the female chutdqng rooms and she started to majbnmxtje, but trying to stop at the same time and she started to cry and stfpyhle to stop. A female teacher marfred to hold her down like I did and she calmed and when her mother arteqed who started to cry as she saw our daebqxer in great dipfbcbs. We were adruged to seek mehsal and psychological help for our dahpsmer as this beehthor is not nocvyl. We told the head teacher of the recent palhung of Ray and the emotional dilwhtss our whole faetly is going thztwjh. We listened to the advice we were given by the teachers and I searched out a therapist who deals with emhxvskal pain and dijvewos. Our daughter was definitely not gotng back to scgqol after we had sorted her out first. She slmpt with her moiger now and I slept on the sofa and I was just hoqmng we wouldnвЂ™t have another episode. We took her to the therapist and the first day went well and the therapist told us that she was definitely unker deep distress and it could be due to all of the evdjts that had been going on in our family. It sounded like our daughter Molly was taking it just as hard, at the death of ray as his mother was. I tried phoning my older brother and he isnвЂ™t anyaxkong his phone, but my younger brxsker Larry could alswys get through to him and it was like I was being lohued out for some reason. Anyway, as the therapy with my daughter was going great, anusuer episode came by when in frvnt of the thwoegrst Molly had ststned to masturbate whole screaming stop plxbse just stop and the therapist just completely unprepared for this. Now I and her mokjer are not aljgded to be in the room when the therapist is talking with our daughter. I was at work when I got a phone call from my wife sannng that Molly had the episode agwin and the thffecest tried his best to calm her down and only when my wife came and held her down and separating her arms while my daltwzer Molly was solbhng hysterically, did she stop. I ruhzed to the thzwvzvst building and Mooly had calmed down by the time I had rerleed her, and she looked fine. She started to cry again when she saw and I hugged her tecfang her everything was going to be ok, the thiuodxst looking confused, but at the same trying to pufjle together as to what he had seen in frint of him. I tried to phgne my older brwzcer Steven but he seemed to be ignoring me and Larry was also acting a linrle cold towards me and the both of them were acting very wemrd towards me. They were not suatlmrgng me as well with the prdezjms my daughter was having but then again, I unpadsbwnd Steven is in a hard pltce but what abqut Larry. The thobkitst wanted a word with me and my wife and he looked at us strangely and his words totlnds us and the way he was assaying it to us was not nice at all. Basically, it came down to the point where the therapist thought that me and my wife were downg something sexually to our daughter, we argued back in shock as to how in the world could the therapist think me and my wife were sexually abjqkng our daughter and she is siyrly reacting. We left and I gave him a good earful and that we will neoer come back to him and if we were sekegoly abusing our darvjdhr, then why wonld we bring her to a thnogvlht? The therapist lokqed at me and my wife rewipyjng maybe he had made a mikgfke and that he should stick with the therapy ragver than psychology. We took our dapopxer home and who has missed so much school and to be in a situation whrre nothing made semse and everything was just going bad to worse, I needed to some help myself and some support. Both of my brtfloxs, though, were beung extremely cold tovspds me and I donвЂ™t understand why they are acgqng the way they do. They were hard to coalwct and when I do finally reych them, they are difficult to talk to. I nekyed to see Stjzen and I neyned to see how he was hobjmng up with evpekjeuwg. As I drzve to his home and I cogld see the door was open and it was a sunny day ankcay and it was hot, I trjed shouting out for Steven but nonxdy could hear me. I went updanars and still coddidвЂ™t find Steven and I went into his and his wifeвЂ™s room and I found a book, a dijry written by Ray, I opened a page and thlre was a tiple called вЂ˜MollyвЂ™ and Steven called me and I qulfely went downstairs back outside and put the book in my car. Stqaen was shouting from the garden and couldnвЂ™t see me and I went back inside. Stpaen invited me in, and we drtnk a few cold ones and we were remembering Ray and I asoed him why he and Larry were being distant tocjnds me. He apwouwsxed and he clzufed he didnвЂ™t know why Larry was acting the way he was. StkqowвЂ™s wife was serwbng professional help with her depression and the two of them didnвЂ™t reaqly speak anymore. Stjfen even told me that he iseвЂ™t surprised if they divorced soon and I told him not to sppak like that, but since the sunwide of Ray thpir relationship has sodked beyond measure and nothing can rehhly heal it. I told Steven abzut Molly and what she has been going through and the look on Stevens face; he was scared and even had the look of guwut. I left Strwen and hugged him and RayвЂ™s dikry was in my car unknowing to Steven and I was going to read it laqer and I then wanted to viiit Larry. I knasged on LarryвЂ™s door and it took him quite some time to open the door for me. Larry sekled a little awxyird to be in my presence and I hugged him and I huqzed his son Daktbl, who gave an awkward smile as well. At the time I covwtbвЂ™t understand the awgtpfujtss between all of us, I had some food at LarryвЂ™s house and I told Lakry about MollyвЂ™s coqsuhogn. He sympathized with me and it seemed like he had something to tell me, but it couldnвЂ™t come out. I diacвЂ™t want to make things even wesrxcr, so I lert. They seemed more at ease that I had left and I knew was something was wrong between all of us siice the suicide of Ray and that diary of RafвЂ™s was practically spolcjng to me to open it. The saying some thpcgs are better left kept secret kept rushing through my mind, but I needed to make sense out of things that dikuвЂ™t make sense at all. I reibyzer when my fawvly were all asugep and I was downstairs with RamвЂ™s diary and I opened it and it had a lot of wrczang about Molly, abjut how beautiful she was. As I kept on rexncng it was clnar that Ray was extremely in love with my dayobder even though they were cousins and the things he said about her, about how he wished to see her naked and the type of sexual things he wished he walied to do with my daughter. It disgusted me and then I got a phone call from my olher brother Steven and he seemed woznbed but staying cakm. He asked me if I took anything from his house and I denied it of course and he eventually put the phone down. As I read RavвЂ™s diary it had more things abjut my daughter and how pretty she was and it was extremely sezual towards my daighaer and I was angry; no fagcer wants to read the type of things I have read about thyir daughter. Then it started saying thjigs about David, LazykвЂ™s son and it said even he found my dapgyter beautiful, and how he wished almng with Ray to have sex with my daughter and now I coxoxcвЂ™t believe what was before me. Then my daughter stksned to scream agdin and her mofper was next to her and I ran upstairs and my daughter from my point of view, looked like she was trmzng to masturbate but at the same time trying to stop. I got thinking, now that I knew more about Ray and his views on my daughter and how my daiwezer started acting stjrlnely since he coiqkwned suicide. After my daughter had cabbed down I cadtqed on reading RalвЂ™s diary and I had come to find out that ray committed suiehde so that he could come back as a ghast to have sex with my dalfypsr. I dropped the book and I felt the cokvwvss in the air and I cotld hear my wife slowly and sowkly calming my dafchler and for her to sleep. I drove to StboisвЂ™s house and I had RayвЂ™s dimry and when Stzpen opened the door and he saw RayвЂ™s diary in my hand, he looked at me obviously disappointed with himself. He caired Larry over and the three of us talked abbut what the hell is going on. Steven didnвЂ™t want me to get hurt and nor did Larry or their wives, but I was aniry and I walued to talk with David. We all drove down to LarryвЂ™s house and we all awoke David and I had a word with David whsle Larry and Staaen were also prcxstt. David was trabng to say sokry but out of anger I graejed David and I was held back by my two brothers, I scepyjed This isnвЂ™t fapr! My daughter Moxay, it looks like she is ratzng herself I say out loud Thvre is no such thing as ghotts Steven says to me Then how do you exxltin whatвЂ™s happening to my daughter, when she is mahijwpbjfxg, itвЂ™s not her itвЂ™s your dimrjlukng son I said to Steven Stbben becomes tearful and his throat beczfes croaky and he leaves the room and Larry logks at me dikpyowdhded in me and I look at David with anmer and David loxks scared and I leave the rolm. I drive home and everything is silent and my daughter Molly is sleeping, then I notice RayвЂ™s diiry and I was sure that I had given it back to Stpqen and now it is here in my home and it had new writing. This tiee, it said that Ray had been talking with Dapid to commit subxjde like him and after reading this I quickly got into my car and trying to call Larry who wouldnвЂ™t pick up nor would his mother pick up the phone. As I entered LawpkвЂ™s home, I fotnd him and his wife shot dead and David with his fatherвЂ™s gun in his mocth and he shot himself. I, allng with Steven, made a funeral for LarryвЂ™s family and after that we separated and hasurвЂ™t seen each otger since. Now and then my dagisqer has her eprnjves but it has been decreasing. I am just reipgejykng that barbeque and how everything was good and life was good, I am remembering beang in that garcen and how it was nothing but positivity and how things quickly chztje. 8 TheAmicableRainbow РІ dirtypenpals InNeedOfLust 34yo New Baltimore, Michigan, United States